What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.Lemony Snicket
A Series of Unfortunate Events
For those of you who are in the latest loop, this may be redundant, but I’ve been very sporadic in keeping the details flowing, so this should get everyone up to speed. For the last year, my life has been very focused as I completed my BA in psychology, maintained pre-adoption visits every weekend with a 10-yr old boy, Abel, and wound up moving around quite a bit, resulting in 98% of my belongings going into storage. I painfully decided to leave my wonderful job at Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp to finalize the adoption process over the summer in order to give Abel some transition time before starting school in the fall. Well, God had other plans, and within 36 hours of finding a wonderful replacement for me at camp, the adoption plans were terminated as a relative stepped forward to care for Abel.
Needless to say, my heart dropped. I gave up something I loved for someone I loved, and ended up with neither. At times I second guess myself, but I have to go forward, knowing that I’ve been in pursuit of God’s will all along, so it’s feasible that this “hiccup” is all part of His plan for something new.
Having stepped out into the inky black abyss of my future, there was nothing to do except begin trying to open every door within reach. I had several fabulous interviews for interesting positions with strong companies. None of them, however, resulted in a job offer, (thought provoking stuff for someone who’s pretty much always been offered whatever position I sought.) Unable to pry open any of the doors I thought God was leading me through, I decided to take advantage of my newfound freedom (being homeless and unemployed has its advantages.)
If you know me even a little, you know that relationships and community are right up there with oxygen and water for me. So, since one of the great longings of my heart is to connect with my community, and so many of the people I love are scattered across the country and I haven’t had the time to visit in several years, I thought a road trip was in order. This seemed the better option to shrieking hysterically about my circumstances and the absolute terror of feeling so isolated and vulnerable. But, believe me, at times that option has real appeal!
I would be lying to say that I have no doubts about this trip. I wonder if it’s a smokescreen to cover the panic I feel at not knowing where the next step is for me. Is it just a reaction to the sense of helplessness and hopelessness I feel at being unemployed, homeless and vulnerable? Should I just turn around, buckle down, eat crow and get on with it? I don’t know. I have conflicting feelings to be sure. All I can say is that I’m continuing to call out for guidance. As always, your prayers are coveted particularly as I examine what Aristotle said, “One’s purpose is merely a matter of knowing where one’s talents and the needs of the world intersect.”
Tomorrow I head to Colorado.
Needless to say, my heart dropped. I gave up something I loved for someone I loved, and ended up with neither. At times I second guess myself, but I have to go forward, knowing that I’ve been in pursuit of God’s will all along, so it’s feasible that this “hiccup” is all part of His plan for something new.
Having stepped out into the inky black abyss of my future, there was nothing to do except begin trying to open every door within reach. I had several fabulous interviews for interesting positions with strong companies. None of them, however, resulted in a job offer, (thought provoking stuff for someone who’s pretty much always been offered whatever position I sought.) Unable to pry open any of the doors I thought God was leading me through, I decided to take advantage of my newfound freedom (being homeless and unemployed has its advantages.)
If you know me even a little, you know that relationships and community are right up there with oxygen and water for me. So, since one of the great longings of my heart is to connect with my community, and so many of the people I love are scattered across the country and I haven’t had the time to visit in several years, I thought a road trip was in order. This seemed the better option to shrieking hysterically about my circumstances and the absolute terror of feeling so isolated and vulnerable. But, believe me, at times that option has real appeal!
I would be lying to say that I have no doubts about this trip. I wonder if it’s a smokescreen to cover the panic I feel at not knowing where the next step is for me. Is it just a reaction to the sense of helplessness and hopelessness I feel at being unemployed, homeless and vulnerable? Should I just turn around, buckle down, eat crow and get on with it? I don’t know. I have conflicting feelings to be sure. All I can say is that I’m continuing to call out for guidance. As always, your prayers are coveted particularly as I examine what Aristotle said, “One’s purpose is merely a matter of knowing where one’s talents and the needs of the world intersect.”Tomorrow I head to Colorado.
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